Another post about mind stuff,if you’re not interested then here is a link to video of a dog in a hot air balloon http://youtu.be/uZfLTDT69YA
I spent last night (Christmas eve) in the venue that I talked about in my ‘alcohol and anti-depressants ruined my life boo hoo hoo hoo’ post.
The situation was pretty much identical to the one a few weeks ago except for this time the pub was full of friends that I hadn’t seen for years and the only drinks to pass my lips were made up of lime cordial,fizzy water,frozen water (ice) and (depending on which bar maid made the drink) a slice of lemon and or lime.
The difference in my mentalness was night and day,there was no sinking feeling,no anger,no urge to just get the hell out of there and even though the person I would have quite happily beaten to bethlehem with a bar stool a few weeks ago was there and acting pretty bellendrical (a word a made up,feel free to use it) I kept it together and generally felt pretty stable (christmas pun intended).
I spent a lot of time catching up with she who shall not be named (I won’t name her because Its not fair on her ) and instead of it feeling heart wrenchingly painful and soul destroying it was really nice. There were still moments where old Mr Paranoia and his partner in crime Sir Jealousy showed their faces but they were quickly washed away with a sip of refreshing lime based soda drink.
Today was Christmas day (obviously),a day that I dread every year. I am not sure if it’s down to the forced jolliness or the fact it was always a bit of a stressful,tense and unpleasant time for me when I was growing up for various reasons but its something I can never really get into no matter how hard I try to feel positive about it.
Wearing antlers,drinking tea and cuddling Dora the freaky pub cross something or other is about as Christmassy as I get.
Last year was probably the first year I have enjoyed Christmas since I was young enough to still believe in Santa. I spent the majority of it at she who shall not be named’s house.They do Christmas right,its fun,laid back and there is very little stress and no tension what so ever. Things happen when they happen and even if there is a plan it very rarely gets stuck to and that isn’t a problem.
This year was always going to be more difficult than last year because things are so much different now.She and me are no longer together and I am in the process of recovering from a whole load of mental fuckery but a combination of the fact that last night went so well,the lack of alcohol,the medication and the therapy I have been having made it far more bearable than I ever imagined it would be when I thought about it a month or so ago.
I spent the morning with my family (the Yorkshire puddings were perfect well done mum) and then the evening at she who shall not be named’s house,I have been friends with her family for years which makes it a very complicated situation! We all played games and tried to master the art of flying tiny radio controlled helicopters that seem to prefer smashing into things before throwing themselves around on the floor like some kind of epileptic spider. It wasn’t anywhere near a happy time as last year by any stretch and again there were a few moments that re-awoke Mr Paranoia and Sir Jealousy but thats something I am working on learning to deal with.
So thats level 1 first night out in the pub in the company of certain people and level 2 Christmas day completed.
Boxing day night is level 3 and I am hoping that I can make it a hat trick.
PROGRESS !
Will be spending some time tomorrow adding some destinations to mine and GPS Kevins’s shared google map as well as ordering a few bits for my scooter so there will be a trip orientated post next week unless it all goes tits up on boxing day and I end up getting arrested for attempted murder…….. LOL
Rollin on tens. 